Control the Chaos

"What Can I Do?"...

2008-05-13T21:59:00.000-07:00

... I said with a panicked rush.

"I don't know," Daniel, oh! what a great failure she was, cried in horror, half for her friend and the other for her guilt.

I continued pressing my body weight on the towel between my own hands and the bullet hole threw Steven's chest. For it was all I could do. No, it was all I should do. I could do more. Cry, yes, crying would be something I was capable of, but in this company I remained resolved. Crying was best left to the victim's wife and soon-to-be murderer.

Those green eyes, which possessed so much beauty, looked straight up at me, not with a look of sadness, fear, or agony, but rather, with a look of relief and thankfulness. I could cry out to him, "Do not thank the bitch which done this to you," but I shouldn't, for the gun that expelled the painful metal into his skin, would just as easily produce an object which would pierce my own, if Daniel was given a reason to fire it at me. I remained quiet as Steven, lover to both Daniel and myself, ceased to breath life.

Still, I remained contained.

---

Egads-bldijgaskejg;s...

Eh, I was told I should write everyday if I really want to be good. And today, I just wrote. I've been a bit down this week, so I wanted to write something emotional and depressing. So I did. It's shit, but at least it's written. I've done my daily practice and now am going to bed.

Comment if you desire to.

Although, there are cookies in it if you do.

Aaron; Emo isn't a style, it's a way of life.

And He Cried, and He Weeped

2008-04-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

...like a woman does when two men in uniforms walk slowly up her porch, bearing news of her husband's, boyfriend's, son's death. He was no different, standing before the tombstone of deceased love. It was not a funeral, that had been years ago, or so he imagined. 1983 - 1995 where bold characters, engraved in the granite. Eleven when he was taken from the world, but it wasn't true. Floyd had known him and dated him and loved him for two years, when he was twenty-four. He saw him, kissed him, loved him yesterday. He was not murdered thirteen years ago; he was murdered yesterday. And Floyd saw it, he even saw it happen. He saw it just before it happened, but when the head of the eleven year old version of himself was dunked into the pool, drowned, he vanished next to him, and Floyd wailed and cried out for him, but his only option was to bang on the cage that held him. Steven, in a moment of immense empathy, grabbed Floyd into himself, trying to calm him, while Daniel worked on sending them back to the present.

---

I wanted to write something this morning. And the only thing that came to my head was a scene from a movie I was dreaming up called Protect your Past. It was one of the most touching scenes I had thought up, at least for me, and I wanted to write it out.

As always, comments / critiques are encouraged.

Aaron; Two buttons and a zip.

Two Days on the Road

2008-04-14T21:28:00.000-07:00

But it only took the first hundred miles to know it was perfect. The smell of cheep cologne on his body said, "I'm trying, please give me some credit." And it was cute. He blushed, nervous, but maybe it was something else. Two other 'friends' in the back. One with curly black hair, blowing across the back seat of the car, because the windows were rolled. The air conditioning broke a few years back. The other wore a constant frown. It was impossible to tell what small idiosyncrasy burned a hole through his happiness this time. Although, nobody showed expressions of caring, which lead him to believe they didn't. Most likely souring his mood again.

--

I'm so done. I miss Emma. And I also got to play with some of my friends in Scarshield. They're so cute, all... "OMG, you're gay! I love gay people." I just think that's so adorable. Anyway. I'm tired, and have a bit more studying to do tonight. Sweet dreams, my friends.

As always, comments welcome on my writing.

=_Aaron; Boy who likes Boys > Manly Man. (In respect to tanking. Bitch.)

It's a Promise Ring

2008-04-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's just a fucking promise ring; beautiful gold band burning the skin around my left-handed finger down to the muscle and bone. Engraved on the inside it says, "Love always," with this tone which I only understand. It makes me sick, the insincerity of it. "Love always." What does that mean, anyway? What happens when another girl catches his eye, and I'm left with a hand with only four fingers. He can love me all he wants, but I know it means shit. A woman scorn, maybe. But I'm not that simple. I desire to enjoy the company he brings. But the pain is an added side effect, I can no longer swallow. No, tomorrow, this beautiful piece of jewelry will burn a hole in his palm.

Aaron; Have you seen my face, I think I lost it on the horseback ride.

P.S. I heart u and miss you while you're in france.

Edit: I hate you, blogger.
Edit2: I hate you, Aaron

His face looked like a steamroller...

2008-04-10T16:11:00.000-07:00

... made its home on the very tip of his nose. The man was a sad sight to the people that passed him on the street, which his nose, which seemed broken and red. Broken because there was a decent possibility he was jabbed earlier and red from the cocaine which burned inside him. Yes, this man was a sad sight to the average man, but worse were those who stood by, allowing him to live as such.

How would you deal with him? Protect him by taking him into your home? Walk by with visors keeping you from believing he is really there? Or would you take a gun to his head, like he asks, and plaster his brains on the sidewalk?

Aaron; ...

(On another note; I have a new profile song: "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap. It beautiful. Listen to it. Here)

wat es ^ yal1!

2007-10-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

Today, today, today is October 25, 2007, and I'm content. I mean, I have no drama ('bout damn time), I have signed up for classes for next semester (Yay! I got into Video and Audio EDITING!), and I got a new TCOM adviser (He's supposed to be an amazing writer, so I'm excited!).

What am I doing for the day? Let's see...

After I finish Blogging, I'm going to watch Brothers and Sisters and Dirty, Sexy, Money on abc.com
Goin' to have lunch with the fabulous Rachel and Shara.
Probably play some Druid for my brother.
TONIGHT! I have Karazhan again with Antagonist. We're going to attempt Oprah, Curator, the Shade of Aran, Illhoof, and the Chess event... maybe less, maybe more.
Then after that is over with, I'll hopefully join my Rachel with Britney and Chloe at a Jazz thing. I'm pretty damn excited for that. I like Jazz, sort of, it's fancy.
... I believe that's it.

I guess I don't have much to say. I'll give a cyber-sex to Rachel since she's not having the best of weeks. And that's all, folks, pretty boring, but content. ;D

Current Mood:
Current Music: Wine Red by The Hush Sound

Tablet Work

2007-10-22T13:29:00.001-07:00

So, I'm working on a few projects. I bought a Wacom Drawing Tablet yesterday and plan on using it to make some sweet art. So, check my DeviantArt profile every once in a while to see if I posted anything new. Apart from that, I'm still working on Protect Your Past and a ton of school work. Hell Week has extended on to it's second/third week. I can't even remember, it's just melting together.

I am excited though, slightly nervous still, about tonight, because Antagonist is fighting Nightbane (or Nightwipe) as my brother calls him. We should get him, I hope we get him... Wish us luck.

Mood: worky
Music: Feeling Lucky by Jimmy Eats World

Wheel Chair Not Accessible

2007-10-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

I found a few things because of Stumble Upon that I thought I'd share with you fabulous folks.

Number 1: The Fashion Police website. This thing is soooo funny. Just look at it and then tell me those aren't the most ridiculous outfits known to man kind

Number 2: A little game called Ramps. I beat it personally just a few minutes ago, but it's totally fun, and... Well, it's not really that hard, just intriguing.

Current Mood: Tired
Current Music: ... Unfortunately, none at the moment.

A Story Finds Me

2007-10-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I thought of an interesting concept for a movie idea. I mean, it's far from original per se, but I believe it hasn't been truly replicated like this. The idea is sort of a modern day musical. The songs being popular songs by the artists of the day. I have placed my Mp3 player on random and started just listening, writing down song by song, making the movie up as each next song continues the plot line.

I currently have nine songs, out of the twelve to fourteen I would like.

The current plot runs as so...

Trevor Campton, a thirty-something business man who is at the end of his rope, tries desperately to make over his life. His love life is non existent as he explains in his song "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven. He almost feels his life getting better as he reaches for a new promotion, but is quickly destroyed by a younger businessman. He goes crazy in his song "Brooklyn is Burning" by Head Automatica and explains that he is quitting his thankless job for something better.

He moves Los Angeles to make a better life for himself. However, Hollywood is experiencing a change. A rising revolution, lead by Derek Valdesk, is taking place to destroy the current Hollywood movie industry, saying it is corrupting the American public, as explained in his song "Good People" by Jack Johnson.

Trevor, not involved in the war in Hollywood, falls deeply in lust with Leah Mayor, the twenty-five year old Hollywood 'it' girl ((she sings "Glow" by Nelly Furtado)), when she tries to avoid the paparazzi. They start to hang out, out of the public eye, for a few days. They share everything about each other. She tells him about her lonely child life as the younger sister of another Hollywood 'it' girl in the song "Shadow" by Ashlee Simpson. He explains how he truly feels in "I Only Wanna Be with You" by Hootie and the Blowfish.

As rumors of their love start to appear in the tabloids, Trevor becomes famous for his apparent relationship with Leah. Rex Talsdak, a middle-aged multimillionaire Hollywood producer, tracks him down and strikes a deal with him. Rex wants to use Trevor as a way to calm the storm with Derek. As Trevor busies himself with work, Leah becomes jeleous in her own way as she explain in her song "Fell in Love with a Boy" by Joss Stone.

Trevor meets Derek for the first time, in order to get some information for Rex. As Trevor enters the world of Derek Valdesk. The latter man sings "Slow Cheetah" by Red Hot Chili Peppers. They argue about Hollywood lifestyle.

Leah, upset after breaking up with Trevor, sings the song "Littlest Things" by Lily Allen...

There is much more to come... as that was my 9th song

Please, let me know what you think about this movie.
<Aaron>

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Naveed by -Our Lady Peace-

It has been a while!

2007-10-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

Well, boys and girls, it has been a while since I've posted anything here on CtC. I have been a slave to Facebook and WoW for a long time now, one more than the other. So, today, to relinquish the Book's hold on me, I deleted my account. Deleted it. Not ever coming back. Ever. Now, WoW, no, I'm keeping that! But since I don't have everyone breathing down my back about Facebook shiz, I have time to work on my homework, study for tests, write blogs, write stories, keep up with friends, and find a boyfriend (It's hard to find one, trust me. I think Rachel just got lucky with hers).

Anyway, I'll be back with a new layout. New icons. And maybe some fabulous links.

*Many kisses*
<Aaron>

Current Mood: Accomplished
Current Music: Safety Bricks by Broken Social Scene

Head Automatica // Propaganda

2007-06-18T04:36:00.000-07:00

Type: Mix: 2 parts Dance, 1 part Punk-Rock, and a dash of Emo

Two long years after their freshman album, Head Automatica released their album Propaganda. I downloaded Decadence at the beginning of this summer, and it’s been a few months, before I finally came across Propaganda. I decided to make a review of this album so everyone can decide for themselves whether or not they would like to own this album for themselves.

In my opinion, if you only had enough money in the week to buy one album, don’t buy Propaganda. Instead, buy Decadence. However, if you have enough money to buy two albums a week, go ahead and buy both. This is because Decadence is by far a better album. If I was putting anything else up against Decadence, I would say it was an unfair battle; Decadence is one of my personal favorite albums. Maybe it’s not fair that I put so much expectation on Head Automatica to make an album that is just as perfect as their first, but I did - and they didn’t rise to the occasion.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a fabulous album. Nearly every song still hits my soul, just not EVERY song and not in the same way as their first. Like I said, if you want anything, get Decadence, then get Propaganda.

Favorite Songs: Graduation Day, Laughing at You, Lying Through Your Teeth, Scandalous, God
Stars: 4 of 5!

Wow... Hott stuff, I think.

2007-05-02T20:21:00.000-07:00

Right before I jumped into the shower, I suddenly had a jolt of creativity, and when I came back, I sat down at my laptop and plucked away at the keystrokes until I scene popped out. This is a first person story; which is so weird for me, 'cause I normally don't write first person stories. In this scene the guy is going through a first kiss with a new fella' and it is... well, you'll see.

Well, enough hype, here it is...

---

It was the strangest sensation I had ever felt in my entire life; it was like something had taken over my brain and poke around there until I couldn’t help but giggle. I was standing in the pouring rain, my short black hair sticking against my peach colored skin. It was April, and I didn’t really have the time to tan like I had last year. The rain that drenched my hair did the same to my clothes, a light green polo and sandy khaki shorts. You would think that I would have watched the news this morning; that maybe I would grab an umbrella or even a parka, but yet, here I stood in the down pour of water.

Amazingly, though, I was giggling through the rain, when I should have been cursing myself for being so blonde. My giggles only ended when a gentle hand suddenly held my chin. I looked up at a pair of gorgeous grass-green eyes and my smile faded, but it was more of a stillness than a fear I was feeling. I closed my eyes as man’s head etched towards mine, and suddenly I was so deeply lost in his power. Our lips met for what seemed like forever. My mind was no longer mine. I stood there, motionless in the rain, lost in this man’s kiss. It had been so long since I had been kissed, that it was like having my kissing virginity taken from me again, only this time it was so much more sensual than with Daniel in the barn. It suddenly ended, much too soon for my liking. I stared at him and was sure he knew I was mindless at that moment. He didn’t smile, and neither did I. We stood, looking at each other for a few seconds when a car pulled to us.

---

I want your opinion on it... 'cause I appreciate your opinion. This MIGHT be something I go into as a future career, so as much feedback (please though, keep the criticisms at a constructive levels... I don't feel like crying anytime soon) as possible would be fabulous.

++current mood: Proud, with a dash of desire to twirl.
++current music: When You Believe//Whitney Houston

Buh-Bye!

2007-04-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

So, I'm quite excited because I'm finally done with this semester. Now, I still have five days worth of finals and stuff, but that's not even a problem, 'cause they're just tests. I've taken tests before.

So, I'm writing this blog; not only to tell you guys this, but also so show of my new sexy talent. I am a stud at making animated files now-a-days. YEAH! Nice, huh?

*Kisses*

New Endeavors

2007-04-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to work on my new project. Specifically, I'm trying to make my break into some sort of writing thing. Anyway, I'm trying to work on a short story that will portray the future in two different ways. One in which society and technology are working together in harmony and the second in which society and technology are destroying each other and things have gotten out of control...

So, expect some excerpts shortly.

current music: My History Class Chatting About

Why's this crazy girl cryin'?

2007-04-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

"What the hell?!" might just be the first thing that comes out of your mouth when you see my new blog-spot layout. Followed by, "Why is this crazy bitch cryin' all the time?"

Well, dear friends, I shall explain. I have recently created a play list on my Windows Media Player entitled "Girl's Gonna Cry" and it's amazing. I love it... period. I have redone all my different expressions to encompass this new play list.

Now, let me say, This Girl, a.k.a myself, is not crying. In fact, I'm a hell of a lot happier than I've been in a while. I've only got 2 more days of classes, and I'm super stoked about that. Then five finals, but whatever, after that, I get to go home. I'm gonna get a poo-load of money from selling my books and shit... (HAHAH... I just used poo and shit in the same sentence)... and with that money, I'm gonna transfer my sexy priest to my families WoW account to mine that way I can start Role-playing with her.

I guess the only thing I have to be sad about is the fact that I'm still not getting any. But, I look at Rachel, and I feel better -if not for the fact that she's getting less than I am-... (Ilu, gurl)

ANYWAY... In tribute to my sexy friend.

L8rz boi!

current music: It's In-Between Songs... It was: All Good Things (Come to an End)//Nelly Fertado. It will be: Hate Me//Blue October.

What Trumps Wants, Again?

2007-04-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

So, I really wanna make some more icons, but I'm being really lazy and I've had tons of school work to do. I finished my telecom project earlier today, about 9'oclock, which makes me happy, but now I've got to finish reading my book. Oh well, I'll do it tomorrow while I'm selling shirts. 6.50 at Dehority fish bowl. Come get 'em...

Current Music: Breathe on Me//Britney Spears

The Pop-Culture Epitome of a Blonde Moment

2007-04-16T20:54:00.000-07:00

I had fun today, not only because I completely pronounced Raleigh, Ri-lee... but also because I thought it was the capital of Virginia. Yes, today was full of those random blonde moments that causes people to look at me and say, "STFU."

Anyway, this is not why I'm writing this blog two seconds before I do my crunches and go to bed. I'm writing this because I finally think I know the solution to my boy problems. You see, I recently found it in me to look at myself and finally see a fault, which this is like the only one, so don't expect me to find any more. But my fault is, I'm sort of immature when it comes to romance, example: every try at a decent date ends in never speaking to said date ever again. I'd cry, but I don't care. So, I've learned I'm a bit naive, but that doesn't help me too much because I'm still physically frustrated. I want a cuddle buddy, god-damn-it. How do I fix this?! I think I may have found the solution... I'm going to date. That's it. I'm not going to expect anything other than a free meal and maybe some make-outing back at his pad. THAT'S IT. I can't handle any sort of relationship, so this seems like the best solution to both my issues.

But who knows... I could be stupid for thinking this. Which is why I want to know your opinion, readers. Lay it on me good.

Current Music: The sound of the damned vent thing across from my desk.

Something profound...

2007-04-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

I want to write something profound here. Something that will poke at your brain and really make you think, but I can't think of anything. I'm supposed to be doing my Spanish homework. I guess, I'll leave with this profound sentence, to really get you thinking. I watch a movie the other day, "Pi" I dunno if you've ever heard of it, but I like to think "A Beautiful Mind" when I think of this movie, except the guy in Pi isn't afflicted with Schizophrenia. His mind is just to powerful for him to handle...

But yes, think of this:

What if the world is really just a bunch of numbers that form a giant pattern? Can life really be predicted, if someone were to figure out the numbers and pattern of life?

Homo-Thoughts

2007-04-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

Until recently, I've been keeping the deepest thoughts inside myself, just because it wasn't as "popular" with the crowd I ran with. Even though I still run with that crowd, I no longer feel I have to keep that part inside of me, because it was truly itching me every time we talked about it.

There are a few stereotypes about myself that I'd just love to get a hold of and discuss. Firstly, there is a myth that all gay men want to be women and all lesbians want to be men. Obviously, this is not true, and I thank your chosen higher-power that it is coming out-of-style to think of something like that. However, since that stereotype has run out of juice, it leads to the trend that it is unpopular to dress or act effeminate because it would be proving the first stereotype.

-HOLD UP!!- How can I win?!

I understand that some and most gay men are perfectly happy with the masculinity that being male provides them. However, some men like the more feminine ways of life. I happen to be one of those men. My favorite colour, though I would never say before, is pink. It always has been and will forever be. I appreciate the feminine style of clothes. Granted things would look funny placed on a male body, but that doesn't mean I can't so appreciate for it. If something looks good, why can't I wear it?

Just because I appreciate and imitate the feminine way of life does not mean I want to be a female. No thanks, women can have that! I just want to be treated as a male who happens to dress and act effeminate, not as a woman in a man's outfit.

+Current Music: Don't Get It Twisted // Gwen Stefani

Wanted:

2007-04-07T17:41:00.000-07:00

A cute boy with a cute earring... like so

So we can do this...

-The End-

Where the Fuck Is My Dagger?!

2007-03-29T15:26:00.000-07:00

If I could find my dagger, I might plunge it into somebody’s skull. I was reading my feed and it says, “Update: 11 of your friends joined the group They Can Keep the word “marriage”!” First of all, ohmigod, learn to use proper grammar, bitches. If you’re titling something you capitalize the important words and don’t capitalize the unimportant words. So, it should read, “They Can Keep the Word “Marriage”!”

Much better, but that’s not the important part. I decided to check it out, because I assumed it was some gay activist group trying to get better rights for gays. Those would be my friends, and I’m okay with that. Hell, I want rights too. Sure enough, this group was all about getting their rights, and I’m down with it. HOWEVER! The group was all about “anyone that agrees that heterosexual couples and the conservatives of our society can keep the term "marriage", just as long as they grant same sex civil unions the same rights as marriages.” WHAT. THE. HELL?!

I want it to be fucking called ‘marriage’ because that’s what it fucking is! This whole argument is about equality. We want equality with rights, so why would we make it separate. I’m not going be apart of a “civil union” even if we are given the same rights, because it’s just insulting. Yeah, we can all have the same rights, but we’re not good enough to be in a ‘marriage’. SAY WHAT?!

I don’t even understand why someone would make this group? Don’t get me wrong, this note isn’t about not wanting equal rights, but instead it’s about wanting equal status. I’m not going to settle for second place, when the love is the same as the “first place” love.

I say we give it the same name whether it’s “marriage” or “civil union”… I don’t even care which as long as it’s fucking equal like it should!

/end rant.

++current mood: pissed off
++current music: Hey Mama - Black Eyed Peas

The True Personal Ad (Part 2 of 2)

2007-03-25T18:57:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This is meant completely out of a joke. Though everything in it is completely true, I’m going to use a ton of overstatements and sarcastic remarks. Trust me! I’m so tired of how this dating thing is working out, I’m going to be overly ridiculous about this entire thing.

Hello. My name is Aaron Ahrndt, and I’m pretty much amazing. I’m a nineteen year old male with some of the best dark brown hair you’ll ever find, although it often needs to be trimmed. My eyes are a very sexy brown as well. I’m like almost six feet tall, and I’m sure the last time I checked I was like less than one hundred thirty pounds. So, yeah, I’m really skinny, but it’s sort of “the thing” now so I can’t complain. Lets get off my looks though, because they’re amazing, I’m like so much more than just a pretty face, right? Teehee!

Let’s see, I’m like really smart. I was in the top ten percentile of my class and even took calculus. You may think, “Ewwww, calculus” but I really liked it. I’m really into math and stuff, because I am really good at it. I really enjoy really philosophical conversations too, no matter what they’re about. I once had a really intense conversation about football and basketball, and I’m not even a big sports fan. Not that there is anything wrong with sports, I used to be a wrestler, but I’m just not going to seek out activities that I’m bad at. I have like a big complex about that. I don’t like doing things that I suck at and know I’m going to be a disappointment.

So, I’m here in school for T-COM, because I really want to like be a movie director. You see, not only am I like really smart, but I’m also really creative too, and I have like all these different ideas for like movies and stuff, and I think I can really make these movies and make a lot of money. Like, I’m in the process of writing the novel for one of my ideas. It’s going to be sweet when it’s done. I’d be really cool if, like, I wrote it and published it. That way the novel is in like circulation before I make the movie. That’d be totally sweet.

I guess I should probably write about what I’m looking for in a guy. Okay, let’s see here. I’m really like a romantic person (like I took a quiz to find out that my Valentines’ Heart was like “Romantic” and I’m supposed to be a “Romantic” kisser. Those quizzes are a really good judge of character too). So, I really want a guy who will be just as sweet as I am. I am really not looking for the random hook-up, and frankly it’s a bit insulting. I mean, WTF, I’m hott enough to screw, but not hott enough to like, what the hell is up with that? My friend seems to think (and I’m starting to agree) that we’re just way to pretty to be a good relationship. Guys are just way to threatened by our looks that they’re afraid we’re going to cheat on them because we’re hott enough too. I mean, how ridiculous is that?

So, I want to recap with the things I’m looking for. I want a guy with good looks, because I’m tired of guys who have insecurity issues to begin with. I also want someone who isn’t going to be ridiculous with complexes about my sexiness. Oh, and I want someone who is really cute in a romantic way, someone I can just be adorable with; not just screw once and never speak again. I don’t want mono again, so the whole one night make-out session shit ain’t going to happen again, FYI. If that’s what you want, don’t even bother to get my SN because I’m not going to put out any longer!

That said, if you fit those categories, you can totally facebook message me, and we’ll chat for a while before meeting up. ‘Kay? ‘Kay! Have a good day.

Oh, and if you’re reading this but interested in girls not boys check out my friend Rachel’s True Personal Ad here: http://www.rachelischaotic.blogspot.com

++current mood: devious

My Comfort... So Southern

2007-03-22T08:14:00.000-07:00

I love how one night's sleep can just completely change your emotions. Yesterday, I thought myself completely void of all thoughts and emotions, but today I'm going crazy and just totally feel like breaking down and crying. Maybe it's this song I'm listening to, it's just so fucking sad/emotional.

ANY song that talks about suicide is always like way to emotional for me. I really don't know why either because never once in my life have I ever had any thing to do with suicide. No one in my family has ever committed it. I'm pretty sure I've never been serious about doing it myself, so why do songs like this and "How to Save a Life" by The Fray charge such emotion deep in my soul.

Anyway, let me put the verse of this song in here because, damn, it's so emotional.

I won’t cry anymore,
I won’t build you a house,
And cry when you leave,
I know that you’re weak.
Did all that I could,
You know, I tried to give you reason

So you can die if you want
You can do what you please
But remember the ones
That have to bear it’s seeds
Just know when you go
You place death upon every life

++current mood: Emotional
++current music: Southern Comfort by Arrah and the Ferns

:: Title Under Works :: (Part 1)

2007-03-21T16:45:00.000-07:00

I really don’t want to talk about my emotions right now, mostly because I feel that I don’t have any. I’m sort of void on any emotion right now and not really sure why. What am I going to do though? I want to be creative, so I’m going to start writing some random-ass story that will probably make no sense, but you’re going to love it because I wrote it.

---

Dylan jolted up from his bed, gulping for air and grasping at his neck as if to pull away anything that would be holding onto it. His bed was damp from his own cold sweat, and as he sat there, he stared at his door just to get a sense of his surroundings again. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and with a quick motion, pulled the dark sheets off his legs. His thoughts were racing as his nightmare played in his head, which to Dylan was a normality at nights.

He planted his feet on the cold wood flooring and pushed himself off his bed. He made the familiar trip to the bathroom, and when he arrived, grabbed a Dixie cup, filling it with water. He looked at his face in the mirror. He told himself, once again, that he looked liked shit; with blood shot eyes and the dark circles that remained fixed below them. His own skin seemed to lighten every night he made this trip, and by now, it was no longer a pale pink, but instead, an off-shot of white.

He pushed open the cabinet drawer, grabbing a small orange bottle. He struggled for a few seconds on the child-proof cap, but after finally opening, he dumped two small white pills onto his empty hand. With another very swift motion, he plopped the pills into his mouth and took a swig of water, swallowing the pills. He shut off the light as he left the bathroom, heading back towards his room. He crawled, one more, into his dark bed and pulling the covers over his body, he fell back into a deep sleep.

---

I think that’s where I’m going to stop. I’m probably going to write more later, but as of now, I just want to play some Oblivion. Hope you enjoyed it.

++current mood: creative
++current music: The Mutterings of My Fan

Well, I'm alive!

2007-03-03T06:50:00.000-08:00

This past week was sort of my deciding factor whether my body could handle itself, and sure enough, it did well. I mean, I really wasn't afraid for my life, but sometimes, I wanted to cry, and did, just because all the crap I had to go through. I was basically bed-stricken with fevers ranging from my normal low 97 to a very high 101. My throat has swollen beyond all fathomable believe, making eating super difficult. Basically, I'm stuck to an all liquid diet or soft foods (as I had some eggs this morning). Not only am I limited to what I can eat, everything tastes BLAH! My taste buds are shot and won't be coming back until this is all over, hopefully, I really like tasting things.

I am home now. Back in the loving care of my Mom and Dad, who are trying to keep me comfortable to eating. Even here things aren't picture perfect, last night I got out of the top bunk of my brother's and my bunk bed like 3 or 4 times just to go out and get a glass of water, down it, and climb back up to bed. Eventually, I just went to the couch which is so much easier, although less comfortable. Eh, but I'm sick, things aren't supposed to be like, "happy, happy"

---

My mom is gonna cut my hair today, so I need to go take a shower... Eh.

++current mood: tired
++current music: My Standard Break From Life//The Alkaline Trio

So... there is some good news left in this day.

2007-02-26T13:06:00.000-08:00

This weekend has been like a crazy wreck for me. There was this really cute boy in my Math class that finally started talking to me and we basically had a wonderful time on Saturday night. But I don't think that's going to happen again any time soon, because I have developed a case of Mono. YEAH! Notice the joyous amounts of sarcasm. Well, like I said, I now have mono and so I won't be doing any sort of kissing slash anything else that may come from that.

However, I do have good news. See, I'm really looking for a good ol' fashion boy and boy relationship, and all I've been getting is just boy on boy relationship. Now that I can't have that, guys will be forced to actually like [i]me[/i] and not my skinny butt. So, here's to mono, which will leave me wanting to die, but at least I won't have to worry about one-night stands.

++current mood: contemplative
++current music: Baby It's a Fact // Hello Goodbye

Important Stories and Hidden Messages

2007-02-20T08:19:00.000-08:00

It's so crazy how I'm so excited to talk with people I've never actually seen before. I am a story-teller at heart. I love writing stories, but I'm not good at actually writing details, just because I get so bored and want to go on with the story. This is why I'm studying to be a movie director and not a story-writer, with directing all the detail is already there, and the story can be told quickly and to the point. It's like perfect for me. Anyway... Since I'm such a story-teller, I'm drawn to places that lets me tell stories. Like CRPG, my favorite website and homepage, where I can write with some of the greatest writers of my time, and just have fun and tell stories. It's wonderful, but I also play World of Warcraft just to occupy my time just in this make believe world with strange and beautiful things. It's played over the internet with millions of other people from all over the globe. Not only am I engulfed in this world, but I also Role-play in the world as well, I play as if I was my character. Anyway, the reason I'm so excited is because I'm going to role-play with one of my favorite people on the game. I don't know her name in real life, which is depressing, but I call her "Kanny-poo" after her character's name "Kantorek" I get to play with her tonight, she promised me a bit of RP. We've got so many different stories going on, just as our characters are always intertwined. My current character is "Kadivya", an overly sexual priestess who absolutely adores Kantorek, who has been persevered as dead, she's going to come across him and much fun is going to ensue. My other character is "Leoung" a undead warrior who used to be a very famous human ranger, until he died. He is gay and a while back found a very attractive young gay undead priest named "Astrophel" but Astrophel had died and he has become depressed. Now my friend has made another little gay priest who Leoung is bound to meet soon. I'm so excited to start some of these stories. I just absolutely love telling these stories with her because she's so amazing as it.

Well, I know I want to do something else, just because talking about WoW to people who don't play is often boring to them, so I'm going to end this little entry with a story I am going to make up as I go.

"Stacy giggled as her his fingers ran smoothly across her feet, but she didn't tell him to stop. It was too much fun for her to make him stop. She felt him stop torturing her small feet and climb his way back up to the top of the bed, kissing her lips, gently. She found it astonishing that someone as masculine as Joe could be so gentle when it came to physical affection, but sure enough, he was such the sweetest guy in the world. She returned the kiss adding a moan to show her pleasure. They shared a passionate kiss, until she could no longer feel his lips on hers. She opened her eyes and couldn't see him, she looked around the room and there was no sign he had even been there. It was as if she had just woken up from a dream, but she was lying naked in her bed, just like she was when he was around..."

This is just a little bit of a scene from a little movie/story I'm in the process of writing.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Ache // No Doubt

Snowplay, Sex, and Bagelgasm

2007-02-15T07:19:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of days, the gods of winter dropped over a foot of snow on our lovely campus prompting our Queen a couple of days off school, which was good, because I got some extra time to play around on my computer and also study for my massively difficult sexual psychology test, which was supposed to be on Monday and Tuesday. I had a ton of fun with the snow, I mean, as much fun as I can have in freezing weather. I more enjoyed the view, because I love virgin snow, and that's the kind of snow we were getting, pure, untouched, virgin snow. It was beautiful.

As I mentioned before, I had a sexuality test on Monday and I bombed it. 72%, which sucks, because that's what my minor is, and that's the same grade as my first test. So, I decided to actually study for my Tuesday one, and I was feeling pretty good about it. Only it got canceled because of the snow, which was very much okay with me, because I could spend more time studying. So, I took it this morning and sure enough. 84% which is great! That test was a biotch, but whatever, I did better than before.

After my test I decided to go to the Library Cafe because I hear it has the best breakfast shit in the world, and they weren't lying. I had an "everything" bagel and let me tell you, it was the best thing in the world. A bagelgasm.

So, I went from a bit of snow-play, had some amazing sexuality test, and finished with a bagelgasm. Notice how my title makes sense now.

++current mood: ecstatic
++current music: Ridiculous Thoughts // The Cranberries

||dot|| gif Owns My Soul!

2007-02-13T14:24:00.000-08:00

So, I've been messing around with thousands of different pictures and stuff and finally figured out how to make animations. Now I'm not saying I'm any good at them, but I just wanna show you guys the two different ones I've come up with and see what you guys think of them.

..

Edit to Add Another:

++current mood: artistic
++current music: Snow White Queen // Evanescence

Sorry to Inturupt Your Regular Programing

2007-02-13T05:21:00.000-08:00

I was having a strange dream this morning, and although I really have no idea what exactly I was doing, I managed to cause a virus on my parents computer, even though they are like two hours away from me. For the first time in my life I was happy to have someone wake me up mid=dream, because my roommate was telling Dave that school was canceled today. So, I woke my ass up quickly and looked outside and sure enough, snow was pouring.

Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that we're getting dumped on, I'm just a little worried for my heath, but I might die tonight. I have to walk to another dorm for my breakfast, lunch, and dinner and I'm so afraid that I might freeze before I get there, that's something I surely do not want to do today.

Apart from classes being canceled, there is other great news. I do not have to do any Spanish work today, I love that news. Also, I had a very important test today in my Sexuality class, and since class was canceled, I no longer have to worry about it until Thursday, giving me more time to prepare. I really need to get a good grade on this test. I practically bombed my first one, and really don't want to feel that pain again, since I have to get a good grade in that class (it's totally my minor)

Thank you for staying tuned to this Winter Weather Update, we will continue with regularly scheduled programing.

++current mood: excited
++current music: Here In Your Arms // Hello Goodbye

I'm so || Emo Phillips || I Can't Stand It

2007-02-12T08:51:00.000-08:00

OMG he broke up with me
Now I hate the world
And I hate you too, she said
---
OMG tell me who's that girl
On his Myspace
I think I'll kill myself, she said
---
OMG did you look outside
I can't believe it's snowing
Now I really effin' hate my life
---
OMG I have no Valentine
'Cause nobody loves me
And nobody gives a shit, she said

So, sometimes my life runs almost exactly like this song. But today, I'm looking at the snow! I heard that there is going to be so much snow tonight. I'm freaking out! Sure, canceling all my classes is SUPER sweet, but I live in Dehority and in Dehority, there is no food. I'm not even joking... there is NO food here. To eat breakfast, lunch, or dinner, I need to walk my ass out to my nearest Resident Hall neighbor and grab something.

Now, normally I have no problem doing this, because, to be honest, I need the excersice. However, we're supposed to get like a foot of snow or something. I'm not walking out in a foot of snow. So, I say this as a warning. I may die of starvation, because I'd choose a hunger death and one of frozenness.

You have to be like Jolly Josephina
Everybody loves you when you are a Happy Rhianna
You have to realize that you can make it better
Who cares about the weather when you know it's going to change tomorrow?
++current mood: scared
++current music: Emo Phillips // Arrah and the Ferns